When I sat down to write this, I could not help but think of a question that one member of an award-winning mixed group asked me a few weeks ago: "What is the most absurd thing you can think of to write about and keep it in Southern Gospel Music?" And just as soon as he asked, he added, "Don't mention my name, though." There was also the mention of a steak dinner if I had enough guts to actually publish it.
Since this gentleman is a highly-respected member of the NQC Board Of Directors - not to mention that it might be time for something a bit light-hearted (so take this as pure humor) - I have decided to honor his request and write about the most off-the-wall topic I could think of - TABLE SCOUTING. (This is one of those abilities in a person that you can't go out and recruit from a college graduate. Nor is it something that you can learn from a book. Instead, it comes from experience.)
Basically, table scouting is the process of placing one's product table in the best location to get the most sales at a concert. Regardless of a group's choice of table positioning, you can rest assured that who ever is in charge of setting up the table will get the blame if a group's sales are poor that night. This holds true even if the group smelled-up the place with their performance.
It is my observation that there are four schools of thought about this critical process that begins as soon as the bus pulls up to the auditorium. The first school I'd like to mention is that of "Aromatic Alignment." Groups who subscribe to this theory are the ones who will set up near the concession stand. Their argument is their sales will be good because everyone will get up and either get a drink or something to eat during the concert. Thus, this insures steady traffic at the table. This theory is also popular with groups who like to snack heavily as it cuts down on walking distance to the concession which in turn results in less time spent away from the table by group members.
Secondly, we have a segment of groups who are supporters of the "Restroom Reconnaissance" theory. As the name implies, this in involves the sometimes-risky positioning of the product table in the proximity of the restrooms. The reasoning behind this theory is that at some point, everyone will have to use the facilities and if they have to walk near the cassettes, CD's, videos and T-shirts, they are likely to spend a little money with that group before the evening is over. Practicing the Restroom Reconnaissance theory is especially popular with groups who have members who are laden with child, either pre or post delivery. Depending on the age of the venue, though, this theory does have it's drawbacks and caution is advised.
A third popular theory that is often used by today's Southern Gospel artists is that of "Center Configuration." This, simply put, is the practice of positioning the table in the middle of the line of artists' tables. A logical idea is behind this practice: if you're between several other artists, consumers have to walk in front of your table to get to the other end of the line, regardless of the direction in which they are headed. This method is extremely effective if your group is the least-known on the program or if your group gave a dud of a performance that evening. Many incidental sales from this type of table-positioning have been known to assist in meeting payroll and putting new tires on the bus. (Center Configuration is also useful in separating two groups who are squabbling over the sound.)
Our final theory is "Dominant Door Domain" (DDD) and it exists in two types: Type A and Type B. Type A DDD is when a table is positioned near the main entrance door of the auditorium. This practice also has been known to start psychological warfare with concert-goers as it prejudices them to think that the first thing (in this case, a group's table) they see is the most important thing they'll encounter that evening. Hence, the higher the importance, the higher the sales. Additionally, Type A DDD is a particular favorite among those groups who have a tendency to pack up and leave early.
Type B DDD, on the other hand, is based on the idea that the table should near the main exit from the auditorium to the concessions lobby. Here, the notion is to have product readily available as soon as a person hears a group and bounds for the door to relieve IJGHTS ("I Just Gotta Have That Song") Syndrome. Type B DDD has proven to be rather useless in case of fire or bomb threats.
Whether your method of reserving a table space is by throwing a flight case in the desired location or by simply standing there in that spot until someone else has enough gumption to get off the bus and wheel the stuff in, you are instinctively subscribing to one of these table scouting theories. Some promoters have tried to reverse the natural course of this Southern Gospel phenomena by assigning table locations. This only leads to disorientation with the people who set up the table and often results in a delay in getting all the group members to the table because they keep going to where their instinct tells them their table would be.
So, now that I have completed this highly scientific article prompted by a dicussion with the husband of the woman who appeared on the August 1998 cover of SINGING NEWS, I have only one other thing to add: Well-done 16-ounce T-Bone steak, large baked potato with butter only, French dressing (on the side) for the salad and chocolate pie for the dessert - and hey, I never did mention your name.
Ain't it great that Christian people can share a few laughs?
